Note: Everyday I tell myself that I want to make peace with my blogging self but I just have too much in my hands that I can't even open my blogger account to write a decent post. So during my 3-hour flight back to Manila on my daughter's (yes, I have a daughter now!) 1st birthday, I took out a pen and paper and wrote away. I just thought I want to share it with you :)
My Dearest Madison,
Today, you turn one. And while I still find it surreal that it has been a year since that faithful day, I thank the Lord endlessly for the indescribable joy your arrival has brought into our lives. I have always thought that moms get overly emotional when talking about their daughters in their blogs but today I understand where those beautiful words are coming from. You fill my heart, my darling Maddie. You fill it with so much love that I have never ever thought a person could possibly have for another.
You see, the day we first met was the day my and Daddy’s lives changed forever. In the beginning it was just that feeling of being on Cloud 9 – you know… staring at your sweet little face and not getting tired, seeing you smile as if you can comprehend all the happiness going on in the room, capturing photos of you looking back at the camera, staring at you some more not being able to believe that you actually came from me. How in the world did someone so adorable come out from the silly, immature, carefree (not to mention, unhealthy) me? Like, how is that even possible?
But then again, you were entrusted to us by God for a reason – to make our already beautiful life even more amazing. Sure there were really tough times like the zombie nights trying to make the crybaby you sleep, the breastfeeding woes, the days Mamita had to go back to the Philippines for immigration reasons and it was just you and me while Daddy is at work, and the most difficult moment of all when we had to leave you in Manila. It was probably one of my most emotionally challenging moments (second only to Grandad’s passing) but you know what, baby, we found solace in knowing that that is only temporary and that that little sacrifice equates to giving you the best future – the one that you deserve =)
So today my little love, as I sit on the plane imagining holding you in my arms already, I whisper to God, like I always do, to bless you every day of your life. To keep you safe, keep you healthy and help you become a good Christian. I also pray for your happiness, anak. Ever since you were a baby, you have that contagious smile – the kind that when people see, they can’t help but smile too. May you always have that smile on you as you grow, because that keeps Mommy and Daddy going. We used to live for each other, Anak, but we live for you now. Everyday we wake up thinking that we’re one day closer to being with you for good We look forward to being there on your next milestones, to running after you (though Mommy really can’t run) and playing house with you, to teaching you how to make little dreams and helping you chase them. Life is an amazing ride, my dear, and please know that Mommy and Daddy are here with you as you enjoy all the beautiful things God has in store for our family.
For the mean time, please enjoy your Minnie Mouse party and the company of family and closest friends.
Happy, happy 1st Birthday, Darling. We love you oh so dearly.