...sharing my emotional struggles but this is the best way I can let them all out so please indulge me one last time.
This morning I dreamt about Dad again and in my dream we weren't able to give him a decent interment ceremony. After the blessing in the church, the next thing I saw was his casket getting soaked in the rain. It was a torture seeing it, seeing the first man that you loved not getting the honor he deserves. When I opened my eyes, tears were unstoppable. I cried and cried and cried until I fell asleep again.
As soon as I am back to dreamland, Dad is there again. This time he's with me and my mom, and he's being his usual cheerful self. We exchanged jokes, talked about a lot of happy stuff and we even asked him what heaven is like. Even the ending was on a happy note with him playing pranks on his friends as we walk past them -- exactly how he does it when he was still alive.
And then I realized, after the sad segment of my dream, I could have just had an empty sleep but no, Dad came back to cheer me up. He doesn't want me to dwell on negative emotions and only wants me to remember the happy man that he was. Even in the after life, he cared for me so much and that alone is enough for me to still feel blessed despite the loss. Thanks dad, I love you from the bottom of my heart.
And by the way, when I asked him why we can see him, his answer is, "Because it's raining." What is it with rain that makes spirits visible to the human eye, I too don't know. But if it means being able to spend more time with Dad like he never left, oh God, please let it rain all the time! :)